Back to Mommy's Trainings All Over Again

I'm her clone

As babies, we were gifted with the rights to receive maternal teachings like, clapping of hands, talking, walking and dancing. Mommies are so patient nurturing us, making sure we grow up just right. I am very thankful I was never an exemption. My mother was very hands-on in bringing me and my brother up as she was a stay-at-home mom and an intrinsically kind-hearted human being.


As now grown-ups, me and my brother still live with her. With my wedding coming this year-end, I know it will, somehow, break her and my dad's gentle hearts as they would have to let me go. I will, for the first time, live on a different house, with my new set of family (husband and maybe in-laws). Instead of being reluctant of that big change, she's just so wonderful of trying to teach me things that will help prepare me.


Now we're back to basics. My mother, teaching me new things, but this time, it no longer involves potty training. Lessons that are more valuable. From time to time, out of nowhere, she tells me things, without me realizing she's actually lecturing me. Maybe that's her subtle way of readying me because I may seem oh so excited, but a little part of me is scared as sh*t. Marriage is a lifelong commitment which requires unending love, understanding, passion and compromises. See that? I included the word compromise. If there's something I've learned from the past, that's one of the most important I guess.


Some important pointers I recall receiving lately (mostly while we're washing the dishes):

• Don't ever nag.

I lived with my parents most of my single life. I am proud to say that I've never heard them yell at each other. Yes there have been some arguments in the past but they kept their cool. They kept their respect for each other by not cursing and name-calling.


As tempting as it seems to just vent out every time things do not go our way, nagging doesn't always help. Yes it may feel good for us at that very instance to let it all out but it will just be converted to some random ramblings to our partner. It will never be listened to! Well, unless we include some taunting and insults, I'm sure our voice will be crystal clear. But you know where that will take us. So why not save ourselves from regret (or sore throat) and just be silent whenever we're angry. Silence is the best weapon anyway. It will cool your heads off until both of you are on your sane minds to talk and sort things out.

• Love your in-laws.

We all know how mothers-in-law are being stereotyped as "monsters". I'll be very honest, mine is not perfect too. She has this very strong personality which can scare anyone away. She's over protective of her family and their traditions. She loves being in-control of the house. I can't blame her, she has a loving husband and three sons who treated her as the queen ever since. And now, one by one, her princes are marrying their new "queens". And I am next. I don't know if I can be in par with her expectations and capabilities. All I know is that I'm quite scared of how I will handle it. 


You see, I've been a princess in our own little home. My parents and only brother spoiled me rotten with everything I needed. Soon I'll be leaving home. I may be staying with my new mom - my mother in law. I know I should be impressing her. My mother told me that no matter how scary it may seem to live with the in-laws, I should always aim to win their hearts. She never taught me to avoid it. Instead, she wanted me to exert a lot of effort in loving them. Yes, real, genuine love just like how I love my immediate family, walang kaplastikan! She wanted me to listen to them and allow any corrections, even reprimands, to be given to me. No, she's not teaching me how to be a martyr. It's just how it goes. Pour out love, and she's a hundred percent sure it will all be given back to me. 

• Don't let money rule the marriage

Let's face it, we all need money. We need it to pay our bills, to eat and even to live comfortably. But it should never be the center of marriage. It should never be an issue. Money comes and goes. Why bother fighting over it. It should not be the main goal of our every day living. 


My family, just like any typical Filipino families, went through some financial problems in the past. Curse unemployment. My father had this very long "vacation" while me and my brother are on our graduating years (highschool and college respectively). I saw how hard life can be that time. My parents had to borrow money from relatives and we had to live off the same ulam every day. But never, ever, had I heard my mom pester my dad about it. My dad did his best to do something and always assured my mom that God will always provide just like how he provides foods for the birds (Matthew 6:26). My mom trusted him and Him and we made it through. If you look at it the other way, it's so easy to just break down and let it out on your partner, especially if you see your kids hungry. But they didn't. And it made us strong. 


And now that she's got this fat bank account and we're teasing her that she's already a Donya, she still knows the value of money. She doesn't live off like a superstar, splurging with their hard-earned cash. But instead, she saves it for their retirement. It's still a mutual decision with mutual benefits. 


You see, money is just an everyday tool. You just have to know how to use it wisely. It should never be fought over. It's just like fighting over a hammer or a screwdriver (Yeah because i said it's like a tool). But no, my analogy's messed up. Money is consumable. Maybe I can compare it with water? It's like fighting over a glass of water? Now I'm not making sense anymore. Maybe I had too much serious talk, lol, ignore this last paragraph.